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Alien Soap Factory opens on Bastion
GNS accessed by Warlord Vodo Bonias
Year 3 Day 232
- An image of a young woman replaces your regularly scheduled holo-net broadcast. She is an Imperial news anchor woman. Music is being played as her news segment begins. The music stops and the camera zooms in on the reporter's face - Welcome to Imperial News Tonight. I'm Tianna Applegate.
Today's top stories...
- Llama Herdship detained
- Gorn Veynom sighting determined to be an elaborate hoax
- Director of Security for Infinite Innovations arrested
- "Soap Factory" opens on Bastion.
- The image of the reporter is replaced by a grandiose building, surrounded by laser fences. Security droids on patrol around the perimeters of the building. A huge tower stands approximately 100 meters from the north entrance of the building. A turbo laser battery decorates a platform extending 20 meters from the tower -
Today marks the grand opening of the ASF, or what some have come to call "The Alien Sausage Factory". The ASF is a soap manufacturing factory that boasts its ingredients as captured and arrested non-human life forms from around the galaxy. Our own John Sanka was able to catch up with the Bastion Governor Plojo earlier this afternoon.
- Images of non-human alien life forms, being herded inside the factory, replace the image of the factory building. Storm Trooper are seen herd thousands of aliens, from all types of species, inside the building. The image is quickly replaced by an image of inside the factory. You can see a big melting pot, with steam bellowing up to the ceiling of the factory. Storm Trooper are seen undressing the aliens, after which they march them in single file toward the large melting pot. The aliens clothes are discarded to a large pile to the right of the pot, where there are more Storm Trooper with huge push brooms, dividing the clothes in three distinct piles. Governor Plojo's voice can now be heard in the background -
We are very pleased with this low cost facility. We are able to do a service for the entire galaxy, while we keep our costs very low. Our prisons were becoming over populated with alien filth, which raised a huge health concern for the citizens of Bastion. Not only were the health concerns enourmous, but the cost to keep these alien dung beetles clothed and fed, was beginning to tax our citizens incomes. This facility is the first of its kind in Imperial controlled systems. Depending on its success, we plan to roll this type of factory out across all of our sectors and systems. This is a very nice step forward, in finally ridding the galaxy of the sub-human.
- John Sanka asks one question -
Governor Plojo. While we are certain that the citizens of the galaxy are pleased with the progress being made on Bastion to rid the galaxy of the alien, our film crew noticed that not a single Wookie was photographed in the entire ASF population. Can you share with us some information on this observation?
- An image of Governor Plojo replaces the screen. He offers a wide smile -
Our science officers have determined that The Filthy Wookie makes a better floor mat than soap. While we wanted nothing more than to burn the Wookie and make hygiene products for our citizens, we quickly realized that the Wookie flesh is even more unusable in its liquid form, than while still solid. Our policy is to continue and shave the Wookie prior to its incineration and make use of its fur for things like coats, carpets and floor mats. There will be no Wookie soaps in the near future.
- An image of Governor Plojo is replaced with the images of soap bars, being dropped from a funnel onto a conveyor belt, where it is inspected for impurities -
- Tianna Applegate's voice can be heard over the sounds of the conveyor belt -
You can see that the top minds at the Empire are busy working to provide safe and efficient use of discarded alien life. While we hate the alien with all our heart, we can begrudgingly acknowledge that they do serve a galactic purpose.
- Tianna Applegate's image replaces the scenes of the soap factory -
On behalf of Imperial News Tonight, I'm Tianna Applegate saying, so long and good night.
- The broadcast is terminated -